I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
