i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
