She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize