I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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