My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Randomize
