Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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