Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize