Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
