someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
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