You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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