Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize