puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
