On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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