Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
