the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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