People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
