I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
