I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
