thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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