We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
