Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
