she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
