is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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