I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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