you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
