dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize