I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
