There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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