I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
not ubering you a puppy
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
