Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
