You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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