By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
