i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You've changed since you got that strap on
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
