I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
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He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
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I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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