I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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