i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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