Those balls look pretty dangerous.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
