I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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