Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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