He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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