Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
