Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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