saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
