you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
