BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
