did you get engaged???
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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