Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just googled if crying burns calories
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
