Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
