i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
