HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
