I intend to get homeless drunk
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize