cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He? As in you personified your dick?
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