Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
