Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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