I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
