I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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