Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
