dude i'm inner monologue high
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
