Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
