Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
