Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
