It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
