girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
