The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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