I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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