i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
