He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
How does one acquire holy water?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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